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| Well, I guess it's goodbye. Wait, no, not goodbye. It's more like catcha later. No that's not it either. Oh, yeah....I'm not leaving I'm just relocating. If ya want, you can catch me at www.laukwok.blogspot.com
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| RAINBOWS
My mind has been contemplating lately the fact about how so many good things only exist because something that we consider bad or distatseful happens first. You have to break an egg before it becomes an omlet. Silver needs refined and beat before it becomes a beautiful ornament. Coal is condensed and placed under intense pressure for it to become a diamond. An oyster has to be irritated by a grain of sand for a pearl to form. Some seeds of various trees and plants only open after being exposed to intense heat such as a forest fire. Should I be different than any other creation? Should I consider myself to be above suffering and refinement? We have so many examples of Dad's work that shows us that "suffering" is good, that the end result is worth the journey through the valley. To find joy in the suffering is beyond my nature. But to know that at the end I will be closer to the image of the one who made me makes it worth it. I have to rest in the fact that I don't need to understand anything but the fact that He is in control. Always. Even when my friend's brother-in-law was killed this weekend in Afganistan. Even though my sweet little bro is somewhere in Iraq fighting for the freedom of the oppressed. (If you could, please talk to Dad about them). I don't get it, don't like it, wouldn't ask for it, but know that Dad will remain faithul to all He has promised us. Afterall, the only way to get a rainbow is to first have some rain...... | | |
| I've done it again. I told myself at least a bazillion times that I would stop. That I would learn my lesson. Never again. Uh Uh, no way. Not me. I wouldn't be the one. I'd never go there again. And, wham. Here I am. At the corners of Ungrateful Heart and Blessings Overlook. And by the looks of it, I have set up a nice campsite here. I tend to get myopic with life as I get busy or stressed. And then the cycle begins. As I become more centered on me and my vision becomes more and more nearsighted, I lose track of the world around me. I overlook the blessings that fill my life. I become self-obsessed and demanding to others and myself. When I can no longer see the good things that have been placed in my life, I become more stressed and busy. With my heart hardened and my eyes clouded, I miss out on so much around me and am a lousy sister and friend. As a friend/pastor once told me , " a jaded Carla is not a good Carla". And I've never heard truer words. Now the journey begins. The journey back to the Father with my head down and my heart softened. The journey to the foot of His Cross where I can seek forgiveness, lay down the burdens, and soak in His grace. With each step back, my eyes are opened to the wonderul blessings that I've overlooked.
I want to apologize to those of you who I have neglected and hurt. To those I haven't told how much you mean to me. Please accept my apology and know that I am sorry.
Here are the things I'm most thankful for this morning:
The Father's forgiveness and His unchanging heart
The wonderful occupation that I have--it's more than just a job. To be able to affect change in a child's life is amazing and humbling...
The great professionals I work with--simply amazing teachers and therapists who dedicate their lives to teaching and loving children that are not their own. You make me want to become a better therapist and person.
The Pershing Palace Princesses---my friends and sisters--you make life fun.
Bad dates---KT, who ever could have known that they could make a movie that bad??
Family---I love each one of you dearly and am thankful for your influence and love.
Romans 8:28--Knowing that He is large and in charge and doesn't need a backseat driver
Friends--a huge category that lumps so many. Not to leave anyone out, but on my mind specifically this am is my flute blowing friend who keeps me reaching towards my deeply hidden artistic side thru all his encouragment, my plant loving married friend who's bluntness keeps me real, the other half of my brain friend and the inspiration to think before I speak or act cuz she'll call me on it, my squirrel-chasing dream-catching free spirit friend, my I love you cuz your my little bro but I like you cuz you're an amazing, heroic, courageous man friend.
Repentance--I think I've screwed up more than I can count already this morning.
Slightly blue skies--better than all gray!!
Hemp waffles and blueberries--who knew?
The overwhelming support and encouragement for my trip--I am humbled and unworthy of all your support, love, encouragement, and money. I am blessed beyond my imagination just having so many Father loving people surrounding me. Thank you doesn't say enough...
God's providencial care---You are more than amazing.
Grace. | | |
| As summer quickly approaches and the days disappear before my eyes, I'm amazed at how busy life can become. I go to bed late just to wake up early in a failed attempt to get everything done. New tasks at work are blooming like the flowers that were crying to be planted around the house. I do believe that I could work for a good 2 weeks straight, 24 hours per day and still have a few loose ends to tie up. And on top of just the busyness, there are people in my life. People that get hurt by me not spending time with them. People that expect phone calls returned. People that are hurting and need encouragement. People that need to hear the life saving gospel. People that I just like to be around. Ahhhhh....help me, I'm drowning. And then I see it, a hand reaching down to pull me up. The hand of a man who calmed the sea, who walked on the waves, who took the nail for me. The hand of the man that I love the most. And with my hand firmly in His, I gladly look forward to the projects and the people. With my heart on Him, mere busyness becomes an act of worship. Working becomes a testimony. Relationships have a whole new meaning. | | |
| I went through my day bouncing from meeting to meeting, running from place to place, trying to keep track of just what I was supposed to be doing when I realized something. And it stopped me cold. Today is May 20th. May 20th. May 20th. Wow. You might be thinking, yeah?, so what?, big deal., yippee it's Friday! or any of those in combination. And I'm thinking--I leave June 20th. Oh man, what am I doing?? That's one month. And instantly I was overwhelmed with a plethora of thoughts of how unqualified, unprepared, incompetent, and unworthy I am. All the plans I need to finalize, the things I need to buy, the people I need to thank, the Word I wanted to etch on my heart...all of these things and more haunted me. How in the world would I be ready by June 20th? How could I be a benefit in the harvest when I am so me and not so much Him? How can I get out of this cause I'll just screw it all up somehow? As the tornado also known as my mind whipped through all these thoughts, I just hung my head from the weight of the burden. Then a gentle tug at my heart and the faintest of whispers in my soul calmed me. For He has said that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. In my weakness, He is made strong. For all things are possible in Him. As I listened to the sweet Spirit, I came to the realization that I was making it about me. If I waited until I was qualified, prepared, competent, and worthy, I would never make it out of the house let alone the country. And I wouldn't need Him. By grace alone I am alive and by grace alone I can go on this journey. And now, a smile forms on my face as I think, "30 days. Just 30 days." May I become the emptiest of vessels only to be filled by You. | | |
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